Monday, December 22, 2008

is there a flood coming and someone forgot to tell me?!

some months ago i was on an out-of-state jaunt with bob in the tractor trailer, and saw this. it begs to be blogged. pictures first, commentary after. shall we then?

where do i begin? first of all, "rebuilding" noah's ark with steel girders is like cheating, i really don't think noah had access to power tools and whatnot. secondly, this can only be the work of some church or other - wouldn't their money be MUCH better spent on aiding the homeless or blockading an abortion clinic or something? (one of those suggestions was sarcastic, i'll let my discerning readers figure out which one.) in the third place, did the crucifixion and noah's ark building occur simultaneously, and i just misread the bible? because the construction of the triad of crosses in the forefront seems like revisionist history. and lastly, and quite simply, WHY? other than to provide me with amusement and blog fodder of course, i find no understanding of this.

do note the redneck noah busily painting the crosses by the way...i suspect he did not appreciate the tractor trailer that stopped on the side of the interstate, nor the oddly dressed girl who got out of it to merrily take pictures of his "ark" matter, perhaps he thought he won my heart for jesus through his sweaty sleeveless shirted labor of love...humans are so ridiculously fascinating, aren't they?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


i have just discovered that real cows are nothing like what one reads about in picture books or sees in bucolic photos...

real cows are huge, filthy, and not even intelligent enough to show a healthy fear of their superiors in the food chain...
moo indeed.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

you know you are truly offensive when... go to the mall and cannot for the life of yourself figure out why in the hell everyone is staring at you.

we get stared at. a lot. we do not, nor will we ever, look like people who belong in rural west virginia. we are okay with that, and with the requisite stares we get at walmart, the mall, the post office, what have you.

but the other day, the stares were SO universal and shocked, that bob and i could NOT figure out what the deal was. after an hour or two bob went to wash his hands in a public restroom and reemerged smirking and shaking his head. "i know why everyone is staring at me today," he said. i gave him the once over and still was clueless.

here he is. see how long it takes you to figure it out.

yeah, i know. that sure as fuck is one fucking offensive shirt, isn't it?

we never even noticed...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

let's visit the land of imagination

i wish i had a tiny little jared leto all my own. i would keep him in a little glass box and look at him all day long and give him tiny little tubes of eyeliner and itty bitty fingerless gloves, and when i was sad i would take him out and he would scream his silly little songs and play a tiny guitar just for me and i would laugh and feel better.

Friday, July 11, 2008

i want to be a japanese rabbit

i would wear this all the time. i don't care how many hillbillies would laugh and point and get their guns, i would totally wear this and be happy with myself.

here is the link to minky shop, in case you want to see more of their adorable clothes imported from japan.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

and the world spins madly on

iran has tested more missiles and the united states has vowed to defend israel at all costs.

quick, here is something to distract you from the thoughts of nuclear war creeping into your tiny minds!!!!

japanese street fashion to the rescue!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

now the outside matches the inside

yes, that's right kids, it's now absolutely official: i am a dork. case in point...glasses. all the time. damned astigmatism.

as my beloved marilyn says in the fabulous film "how to marry a millionaire":

"men aren't attentive to girls who wear glasses"

guess i'll have to fall back on my rapier wit, indefatigable humor, and superior brain power to keep the boys lined up at the door...see, using my sarcasm already...

Sunday, April 20, 2008

i'm sure it's every bit as tasty as you're imagining, you wretched filthy pervert

i found this little item at the grocery store and since that's what cell phone cameras are for, i had bob take a picture to're very welcome.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

my arch nemesis

a couple weeks ago, bob's oldest son elijah called and announced that we would need to pick him up at the airport in four days because he was leaving california and moving in with us. unexpected, but - alrighty then. so i drove to pennsylvania after class and wandered through pittsburgh international airport until i located the dirty hippie kid with the waist length hair. who was holding a cat carrier. unexpected, but again, i say, alrighty then. i can roll with these things, cause i'm cool like that. so i drive them back to west virginia and install them both in my living room. everything's cool, right? right....

turns out this Cat (who incidentally has no name, the airport tag on the pet carrier actually said "no name perrine" on it) is like, birthed from the bowels of hell or something. i think he has multiple personalities, an eating disorder, and a drug problem. the second night he was here he ate all the food in his rather large bowl and then broke into the kitchen cupboard and dragged out a new bag of cat food and ate at least a third of it. he also found the bag of catnip and dragged it out too, leaving it scattered all over the kitchen floor where he had apparently been rolling in it all night on some crazed kitty lsd trip. one minute he's rubbing on your leg and purring, like a perfectly normal little kitty would do, and then suddenly he's hissing and attacking you. after he fucked my hand up pretty badly (see exhibit a) i decided not to attempt to pet him anymore and just ignore him. but, since elijah went on the road with bob for two weeks, i have to feed this demon Cat and clean his litter box. i am satan's servant apparently. last night i went into what used to be my living room but is now elijah's room in order to give The Cat some water and he attacked my leg. i wasn't even looking at him, he just ran up and hissed and jumped me. so now i'm all paranoid and everytime he walks by me and gives me the evil eye i get as nervous as a virginal white girl walking in the wrong neighborhood alone at night with a short skirt on and $200 in cash in her purse.

don't let the photo fool you, folks. he may seem like an ordinary animal, but look more closely...see that evil glint? see the flames of hell dancing in his eyes? this Cat is dangerous. he's plotting my death right now, i'm sure of it...

Thursday, February 07, 2008

ode to my lost gloves, wherever they may be

have could you have abandoned me, just when i needed you the most? i have searched everywhere for you, but alas, all is in have disappeared like a cloud blown from the sky, like the long ago child inside the adult, like jimmy hoffa, like the last lil smoky on the buffet table. maybe you will turn up in the most unlikely of places, but i fear we will never meet again. but still, i have the memories...i will never forget how you kept my hands warm while leaving my fingers free to be dexterous in the cold cold dental you enabled me to be warm, yet still convenient you were during photography adventures...

r.i.p. fingerless gloves...i will never forget you...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

milkman dan for president!

i can't decide who has a bigger claim on my heart, ted johnson or the ever delightful milkman dan. if you haven't discovered this hilarious and disturbing comic strip in your local underground paper, please, by all means, follow this link and enjoy. by the way, max cannon, the creator of this strip, is a childhood friend of bob's....which explains so much...there must have been something in the water those boys drank...