Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Holidays

Ah, Thanksgiving...that festive occasion when we gather together with the people we feel obligated to see and consume a meal we feel obligated to eat. When we pray to a god we don't believe in that a particular relative won't force us to finally say that insulting thing we've wanted to say for the past three Thanksgivings but were never quite drunk enough to say. When you bite into that delicious looking deviled egg, only to unfortunately discover that your new mother-in-law uses an entirely different recipe than you are used to and you wonder how rude it would be to spit it into a napkin, then do the "right" thing and reluctantly swallow it with a smile. When we are felt up by various members of the opposite sex we are vaguely related to, or when a second cousin twice-removed-by-marriage pretends that repeatedly poking your husband and calling him a "ticklish little baby" is perfectly acceptable. When we wander out to the wood shed to view the dead deer hanging inside because it sounds like more fun than hanging out with the in-laws...

Oh, what's that? You had a lovely meal with a family you adore and you all held hands and said "grace" and then took turns sharing the blessings you are thankful for? Well screw you, you well-adjusted freak, the rest of us had a shitty day and the only thing we are thankful for is that we don't have to do it again for another year...

What? It's only a month until Christmas? Oh for the love of god....

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