Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Snow! and Its (Possible) Effects on Elderly Neighbors

well, it's here.

people have been warning me that it was about to come, and a couple of days during last week it looked as if it might be time, but today we woke up and the ground was officially covered in snow, and the air has been full of soft fat flakes for the better part of the day. i'm told these are deemed "snow flurries." probably not momentous to some of you, but for zoe and me, quite the Occasion, and the beginning of our first winter in a snowy new world.

zoe and i were simultaneously delighted and apprehensive as we waited this morning for the school bus that never came - after it was fifteen minutes late and i had checked the news for school cancellations and watched the neighbor's Bronco pull out of the driveway next door and promptly spin in a slow and stately 360 degree turn like some sort of gigantic metal ballroom dancer, i bundled zoe into the car and cautiously drove her to school. surprisingly, i had no problems on my maiden voyage into the treacherous waters known as "driving on snow encrusted roads." apparently other people did not fare as well, since an hour later on my way to school, i saw multiple people standing and shivering forlornly on the side of the road next to their formerly roadworthy vehicles which were now resting peacefully in various ditches.

also in winter weather related news...

i am now keeping an even more vigilant eye on the elderly (and hopefully ailing! just kidding...or am i...) owner of the amazing house across the street that i fully intend to swoop in on and purchase in the future as soon as the old dame's corpse has hit the mortuary. now that the harsh weather has set in, i am looking for signs of pneumonia or hypothermia or whatever the hell else would do in an old lady of uncertain age and health...but she seems damned hale and hearty in all honesty and every time i see her walking at a snail's pace down to the teeny little tiny little jane lew market, i have thoughts of unscrupulous intent and imagine befriending the old woman and wheedling my way into her good graces (and last will and testament) and convincing her to bequeath me the whole kit and caboodle... i mean, look at this house (the picture doesn't do it justice at all), it's a hundred years old and amazing even covered in snow and you should see the inside...once i walked by and caught a glimpse and it's all original dark hardwood floors and crown molding and wainscoting, and the adjacent property is definitely big enough for the Nubian goats i intend to own, and i've been watching - nobody comes to visit this old lady except an obviously unrelated cleaning woman so why shouldn't i scheme on the place? sigh...because it's morbid and slightly evil, i know...hmmm, i think this is officially the most wrong tangent i have ever chased...

1 comment:

Always choose what isn't offered... said...

Be vigilant... The elderly die at an alarming rate in cold weather areas... Seems that they just hang on long enough to see the summer, then decide to wait for the beautiful fall colours and then... Winter is a bitch and the old fuckers just give up... January is the month to watch...